apriori_2009 December

"In all your affairs, rely entirely on the Providence of God through which alone all your plans succeed … Strive always to cooperate with it. Then, believe that if you trust well in God success will come to you.”
~ St Francis de Sales

Sometimes we muse about what might have been. I had a thought the other day - and when I say thought I suppose looking back on that thought I really mean insight - that after I finished my engineering degree I should have gone into medicine. The engineering side of medicine has always seemed to me to be full of unlimited frontiers. Especially with the technology that exists today the only limit would be your imagination. But the insight was that it occurred to me that my desire to do so was/is not so much because I want to help people but because there is stuff I (emphasis on "I") want to know and learn that I don’t know. If in the process of satiating my own curiosity I accidentally help mankind, OK, but really that wouldn’t have been my primary goal. I suppose though, the fact that I am considering that the byproduct of my effort may go to the benefit of mankind may be my nature, there is some goodness there. And the awareness of my nature is possibly a byproduct of the awareness of the concept of prayer and love.
Where I’m going with this is that prayer life for me has been a series of epiphanies, for lack of a better word, and we are in the Christmas season and there are 24 more shopping days until the Feast of the Epiphany. Back then I might have prayed to become a successful medical engineer . That’s all, nothing more, because that’s what I wanted. As I matured and became more aware of “not my will but Your will be done.” I may have prayed to be successful so I can help people, but was that really it or would I have been really trying to trick God into making me successful by saying “See, you should help me succeed (and oh by the way prosper) because I want to do good.” Yeah, I know, trick God, LOL. The one laughing out loud would be God. I do believe he has a great sense of humor. Thankfully He is also infinitely patient.
Which brings up a whole new level of prayer, especially considering the idea of free will and the fact that even though He knew before we were even born everything we would do, we still have that free will and He still loves us no matter what stupid stuff we do. He still loves us. He still loves us. I can’t stop saying it. I can’t stop thinking about that love and praying every day that the Holy Spirit will open my heart just a little bit and let some of that love in. That LOVE. That love that helps overcome pride. That love that joins us with the Communion of Saints. That love that is present at the sacrifice of the Mass, that is on the altar during adoration. That love that in the beginning was the Word, the WORD THAT BECAME FLESH. The Word that became flesh because Mary said yes. That love that we are preparing ourselves to receive on Christmas Day.
VIVAT JESUS!